why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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