Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
