i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
