I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
