can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
