I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
