my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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