like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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