im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
even my farts smell like vagina
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
