I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
