Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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