I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
