yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
