he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
