Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
