he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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