The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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