I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
