I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im part way to drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
