maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
