Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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