theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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