Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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