Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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