the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
