Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
