I need help removing her.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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