Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
