stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
