Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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