K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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