im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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