Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
