he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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