My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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