dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
