her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
