I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
