Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
