Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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