why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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