My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
