If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
