we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
