you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
