drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
