Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
