how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
