After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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