My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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