I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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