sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
