Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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