Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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