I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
