As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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