He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
wow bdsm is so cute
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
