I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
