i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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