Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
