He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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