I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
