On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
