I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
